The importance of marriage cannot be stressed enough so this post won't address that. It will however, address those of us who some of us have decided to see as being of little worth because of marriage. So a sister had a child before marriage, or from a previous marriage. And a brother has been married before but now divorced. Or maybe they have never been married and time is running.
Well guess what? it's none of your business.......okay okay, that's being unnecessarily defensive.
Let's try that again.
That a person has a twist that appears unusual does not always point at the manner of life lived or character. All of these issues go deeper than we see from a distance or critique from behind a keyboard somewhere.
Some of the best people have the worst challenges to deal with, do we need to add to that?
If love is what you are after, the person's past should not deter you.
That is not asking you not to tread with caution because like everyone else, these people have their own faults too. Every human does. But to make a previous life a basis for judgement especially when it was not really their fault is harsh
And what if it is their fault? What matters is the present, what the person has done/is doing to be better.
We all have one first time, the lucky ones get it right one time, not everyone is as lucky.
"I love her but she already has a child", no sir you do not love her.
"I really want to marry him but he has a grown child from his past", what has that got to do with you?
Again, do your part getting to know who and what you are getting into. Know to take a wholistic view and use it as a predictive index if you must but please go easy on people and the past they are struggling to make better today.
Allaah sees everything.
Thursday, 6 August 2015
I AM UNMARRIED, NOT CONDEMNED
LIES WILL GET YOU A PARTNER THAT TRUTH WILL EVENTUALLY TAKE
It is very common to want to impress the opposite sex. It is basic human nature. The inability to control this nature just like any other can lead to a dark, lonely path.
Right from the very first meeting (either face to face or other), the excitement of what can be, coupled with the freshness of the whole scenario makes us put forward our best possible foot. This is not exactly bad because even if we aren't like that every time, it's a sincere show of what potentials lie within. This is not what most of us do though, we go way overboard with it. You'd think it ridiculous that some people use the properties of others ( cars, homes, even clothes) to make a more promising first impression, a false impression.
For others, the deception is in character. In manner of talk,dress and even in definition of self.
" I love cooking" coming from a person that cannot operate a cooker !
Sometimes, all the other person wants from us is sincerity. As anti-truth as the world seems to be now, there are still people who want you to just be yourself, people who want that original you.
In the end, you miss out when you pretend to be someone else.
Desperate is not a funny place to be at, so while one can relate with what drives people to want to achieve by any means necessary, one should still see that it doesn't need to be deceptive.
The biggest home breaker is lack of understanding. Two people who have been openly honest about themselves and who have accepted one another as such still have understanding issues, imagine how bad it will be for a person who has put up a false personality when the truth starts to drip out.
It is absolutely wrong to go into something as a lie, thinking that you will handle it when the truth comes out. If it was that easy to handle why not go in with the truth?
You hear of people hiding key health conditions, genotypes and other sensitive things just to tie down their love or secure a home, What manner of love/home are you securing then?
The only relationship that stands the chance of lasting is that built on acceptance of the truth, anything else is just a ticking time bomb and time always runs down.
Right from the very first meeting (either face to face or other), the excitement of what can be, coupled with the freshness of the whole scenario makes us put forward our best possible foot. This is not exactly bad because even if we aren't like that every time, it's a sincere show of what potentials lie within. This is not what most of us do though, we go way overboard with it. You'd think it ridiculous that some people use the properties of others ( cars, homes, even clothes) to make a more promising first impression, a false impression.
For others, the deception is in character. In manner of talk,dress and even in definition of self.
" I love cooking" coming from a person that cannot operate a cooker !
Sometimes, all the other person wants from us is sincerity. As anti-truth as the world seems to be now, there are still people who want you to just be yourself, people who want that original you.
In the end, you miss out when you pretend to be someone else.
Desperate is not a funny place to be at, so while one can relate with what drives people to want to achieve by any means necessary, one should still see that it doesn't need to be deceptive.
The biggest home breaker is lack of understanding. Two people who have been openly honest about themselves and who have accepted one another as such still have understanding issues, imagine how bad it will be for a person who has put up a false personality when the truth starts to drip out.
It is absolutely wrong to go into something as a lie, thinking that you will handle it when the truth comes out. If it was that easy to handle why not go in with the truth?
You hear of people hiding key health conditions, genotypes and other sensitive things just to tie down their love or secure a home, What manner of love/home are you securing then?
The only relationship that stands the chance of lasting is that built on acceptance of the truth, anything else is just a ticking time bomb and time always runs down.
Wednesday, 5 August 2015
COST OF THE 21ST CENTURY NIKKAH
The Deen that we follow asks certain conditions for a nikkah to be considered valid .High up on the list is the presence of witnesses. A ceremony is usually also not out of place.
One controversial issue has always been striking a balance between the cost as seen from the bride's perspective and the groom's perspective. There is the place of family complications too in the form of authoritative inputs. In the end, the cost of initiating the union skyrockets.
We, unfortunately have also evolved into a people sworn to make things more difficult for ourselves. We follow trends blindly in clothes,venues, choice of souvenirs, everything !
YOLO we say, or YOMO in this case (You Only Marry Once).
Well, YOMO is the reason a lot of people spend the first two years (or more) of their new lives paying back debts. Needless debt.
Some people are wealthy and can afford to throw big gigs. As much as one wants to avoid blowing things out of proportion, you really cannot fault a person spending what he has legally earned even if that feels too much to some (something will always feel too much to someone).
The issue is with the people who cannot adjust to their pockets. The people who think the size of the ceremony is a statement of love and affection.
A bride arriving in a Rolls royce will naturally feel better than the same bride arriving in a Peugeot but what if the bride cannot afford a Rolls Royce? Simple......push it on the Groom !
Ladies today go home and in the process of trying to paint a would be groom as adequate forget to apply caution. They end up painting a fictional character which the man is then forced to conform to.
A man who earns the equivalent of $500 monthly is then asked to service a $10,000 wedding ceremony that starts at dawn and ends before dusk.
Some people aren't that unkind though, they consider their partners and keep him away from the pressure. Instead, they turn the upcoming event into a business where people are forced to 'subscribe' to in the form of clothes bought. The type of cloth you buy decides where you seat, what you eat and how you are treated. Oh, yes, it also affects what type of souvenir you get.
All of this, just to create an impression which does little or nothing positive to the actual life to follow.
Whatever happened to people being themselves? I know it is a wedding, I also know you well enough to get an invite. That means I should not be one you'd pretend to.
But who wants that? that's not fun.
What we have now is young men being handed the "project nikkah". The proposal will be submitted then they would review and respond with a statement of acceptance/rejection stating time frame and reasons. For some unlucky ones, the waiting period usually leads to project cancellation.
You get a card one morning inviting you to the commissioning of your project. This happens!!!!!
Weddings are important, the ceremony is nice to have, the memories are wonderful. But that's all it will become, a memory.
If only we could spend more time planning for marriages that we did on wedding ceremonies.......
Are you a man? what exactly is the cost of wedding today? Suddenly full grown men revert to being boys. Boys do what boys do.
That summary right there is why a lot of weddings haven't taken place. Luckily people are beginning to accept (by force) that less is more in this case.
Think about it, all this while, Islam had us covered !!! It's funny how the sunnah trends eventually.
One controversial issue has always been striking a balance between the cost as seen from the bride's perspective and the groom's perspective. There is the place of family complications too in the form of authoritative inputs. In the end, the cost of initiating the union skyrockets.
We, unfortunately have also evolved into a people sworn to make things more difficult for ourselves. We follow trends blindly in clothes,venues, choice of souvenirs, everything !
YOLO we say, or YOMO in this case (You Only Marry Once).
Well, YOMO is the reason a lot of people spend the first two years (or more) of their new lives paying back debts. Needless debt.
Some people are wealthy and can afford to throw big gigs. As much as one wants to avoid blowing things out of proportion, you really cannot fault a person spending what he has legally earned even if that feels too much to some (something will always feel too much to someone).
The issue is with the people who cannot adjust to their pockets. The people who think the size of the ceremony is a statement of love and affection.
A bride arriving in a Rolls royce will naturally feel better than the same bride arriving in a Peugeot but what if the bride cannot afford a Rolls Royce? Simple......push it on the Groom !
Ladies today go home and in the process of trying to paint a would be groom as adequate forget to apply caution. They end up painting a fictional character which the man is then forced to conform to.
A man who earns the equivalent of $500 monthly is then asked to service a $10,000 wedding ceremony that starts at dawn and ends before dusk.
Some people aren't that unkind though, they consider their partners and keep him away from the pressure. Instead, they turn the upcoming event into a business where people are forced to 'subscribe' to in the form of clothes bought. The type of cloth you buy decides where you seat, what you eat and how you are treated. Oh, yes, it also affects what type of souvenir you get.
All of this, just to create an impression which does little or nothing positive to the actual life to follow.
Whatever happened to people being themselves? I know it is a wedding, I also know you well enough to get an invite. That means I should not be one you'd pretend to.
But who wants that? that's not fun.
What we have now is young men being handed the "project nikkah". The proposal will be submitted then they would review and respond with a statement of acceptance/rejection stating time frame and reasons. For some unlucky ones, the waiting period usually leads to project cancellation.
You get a card one morning inviting you to the commissioning of your project. This happens!!!!!
Weddings are important, the ceremony is nice to have, the memories are wonderful. But that's all it will become, a memory.
If only we could spend more time planning for marriages that we did on wedding ceremonies.......
Are you a man? what exactly is the cost of wedding today? Suddenly full grown men revert to being boys. Boys do what boys do.
That summary right there is why a lot of weddings haven't taken place. Luckily people are beginning to accept (by force) that less is more in this case.
Think about it, all this while, Islam had us covered !!! It's funny how the sunnah trends eventually.
Tuesday, 4 August 2015
DON'T START A FAMILY YOU KNOW YOU CANNOT CARE FOR
To run from the temptation of zinah by initiating responsibilities that can trigger the temptation of theft? Need we interpret this wrong? I'm all for humble starts but you have got no business starting a family you cannot take care of, Islam or not.
The welfare of a wife and potential children cannot, should not be based on your mere belief that things will get better. Sure, things should get better but they don't always do, what's your plan for if they don't?
You are blessed big if you have a wife willing to start rough with you, to take advantage of her is to be the very thing you need not be, irresponsible, which will sound like an insult till you ask yourself what word should represent one not being responsible for the welfare of the family he so much hustled to create.
The rough I speak of is not one I am not familiar with. Trust me, the level of perseverance needed to push through it is out of this world. One which should convince you to keep it in your pants and concentrate your libido-channelled energy towards making a living.
It is not enough to quote scriptures in standalone formats, there is also the application of it. Your realities are unique hence beyond just asking about the acceptable limits of the deen, you need to also ask about how it applies to you.
You cannot just bite hadith lines without the wisdom of application, one which comes from only The Most High.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)